theoddsock.com

or ‘My Husband’s Lazy-Ass Sperm’

At the moment the saga of the sprogs seems to be in a more than usually quiet phase. A letter to the GP has been duly dispatched - about a week ago - with no reply as yet. Husband has an appointment for a test in May (assuming he’s actually booked it of course!) and then we see our NHS consultant for the last time in June. So far all he could come up with was that a blockage seems to have developed, doesn’t know why or how so its a complete mystery! (Tiny pixies with tiny stoppers?)

As I mentioned before when things like this happen, thwarting your plans for world domination via the breeding of a vast army of super-hybrid-sci-fi-nerd-computer-geeks, life can seem pretty bleak. However after a while, and a few hours of the likes of George Carlin, Maria Bamford, Eddie Izzard, Dylan Moran, Ross Noble and Bill Bailey you realise that the best way to deal with it and also freak out family members who are tiptoeing around the situation is to make a big joke out of it.

After all, what else is there to do? Kill your husband in a fit of extreme irritation because you may, in fact, be as fertile as the Nile Delta and had to go through things you thought only happened if you were abducted by aliens for their plans for world domination etc etc, or laugh about it?

I opted for laughing, and I think Husband is rather glad I did.

In our strange household we tend to mix in more than the usual number of tv/movie/web comic references, I blame it on meeting in on an irc channel, but it does show that the ancient art of alllusion is alive and well if some what mutated. So, true to this, I pointed out last night that since he is English, I would have expected his sperm to be acting a bit more like the cast of the Great Escape and tunnelling their way out, attempting to overcome the blockage obstacle and generally displaying that stiff-upper-lippedness and ingenuity that made the British Empire what it was.

Unfortunately was seems to the the operative word; instead, I ended up with Kelly’s Heros; sitting around, catching some rays, drinking some wine and no sign, alas, anywhere, of the Army Corps of Engineers Band.

It was pointed out to me that all the English guys were taken out and shot at the end of the movie. I countered that this was in all likelihood to be our outcome as well; only taken out and shot into an egg, but at least that drive would be there.

I am not even sure that whistling the theme tune under the duvet stirred any sense of pride either…

In true Easter Bank Holiday fashion we ended up not doing much of anything at all other than taking a trip back to PC World to buy a very nifty gadget we had seen on Saturday (when we were there so my husband could get a replacement cordless mouse), namely a Philips digital photo frame. Its very dinky and is the perfect selling tool, allowing me to have a mini presentation/other stuff I’ve made display when I’m out selling jewellery. Now if it could be used as a computer monitor as well it would be even cooler! Still, not complaining its very nifty and should help enthrall people enough to spend some money!

Captain’s log Stardate 72914.5.

As the war with the Dominion is not going at all well for the Federation the commander of the 13th fleet, that targ-brained idiot Admiral Melchitt has ordered my ship (the USS Expendable) to go on a secret mission to the Gamma quadrant - into the very heart of Dominion space.

The mission, code named operation Redshirt, has us going through the wormhole, sneaking by thousands of Jem ‘Hadar warships and defense networks, reaching the Founders’ homeworld and wiping them out.

All-in-all this mission has about as much chance of success as Reg Barclay has of winning a Mr. Charisma competition. Naturally I was fully prepared to do what must be done, unfortunately the 12 Klingon warship escort to the wormhole has made jumping ship and hiding on Risa amidst a group of beautiful Green Orion nymphomaniacs a bit impractical. As I speak we have just gone through the wormhole and our Android Science Officer, Ensign Baldric, says that there are no Jem ‘Hadar in the sector…

(more…)

A while back, probably about 4-5 years ago I had hosted on my site a number of very funny parodies, the majority penned by my uncle Fred. These have been lanquishing some what forgotten in the depths of the directory structure of my web server and are now being pulled out and dusted off. Partially because I enjoyed them and they had been a reason that the site has been linked to by a number of people in the past, but also because it adds some content!

Star Trek is a common theme, although ‘Everyone comes to Quarks’ written by myself and my mum while I was still at home and remains incomplete, marries all the best bits of Star Trek , Star Wars, Red Dwarf and the Wizard of Oz. Who knows by the time we complete it we may address the newer additions to popular SciFi that have (re)emerged recently; namely StarGate, The Matrix and Battlestar Galactica, to pick a few at random.

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